I remember how I conducted my life during my teenage/20′s, years completely guided by my emotions with very little thought to anything. My days and nights were completely devoted to feeling, seeking events that would stimulate a highly pronounced emotion, so pronounced that it would prevent all ability to think. Living by feelings without thought, regardless of age, is a road to devastation, but an extremely exciting trip down!:) Thoroughly enjoyable until bottom is hit.
On the next phase of how I conducted my life it was predominately accomplished by suppressing strong emotions, concentrating on the logical thought process of cause and effect most normal humans employ. Living life without feelings entails using every last ounce of energy to suppressing your emotions and trying to focus of the logical sequence of events that any action on your part will take. Life is bleak and lack-luster, inviting depression arms wide open.
Currently the attempt is to get back to feeling, letting the emotions flow, good or bad, savouring and wallowing in all of them. Allowing my instincts dominate my actions, wants and needs, learning to recognize the impulsivity and taming it while satisfying the need and using logical thinking when faced with tasks that are unnatural to me i.e. housework, filing, time management, housework, paperwork, filing, well you get my drift.
I like to daydream. It takes a lot of my time to daydream. I’m ok with that. I’ve got the time to let my thoughts zip and zap their way across the universe. I’ve got a computer to answer all the random questions about unrelated stuff that pop into my head. Brain surfing. I enjoy it. It is fun for me. This is my most favourite thing about having ADD…a source of amusement that never ends. Can’t ask for anything more.
I would like to DO more than THINK ABOUT DOING, though. Something to work on, something to strive for. Will it happen for me? Maybe. If I find the right trick that works for me long enough to get something accomplished. I know the tricks and tips and routines only last for a limited amount of time so I’m always on the look-out for the next thing.
I used to regard myself as “somewhat obsessive”…ok, a lot obsessive:) I’d get something in my head and wouldn’t be able to let it go, no matter how hard I would try to get it out of my head, change it or forget it, that “idea,want,need,thought” would not go away until I gave in and followed through until boredom set in. Then, and only then, would it disappear and leave me in peace. When I was diagnosed with ADD and learned about the ability to hyper-focus I was relieved that the obsessiveness I had lived with was common and could be used to do things that I needed to do. Now, I just have to find a way to direct that hyper-focus ability to where it needs to go, not just what I want in the moment:) This would be goal number 2:)
What about you? What are your favourite personality traits that have developed throughout your life?
My latest girl crush. Actually, my One and Only girl crush ever! Love her voice, the tone and range are fantastic. I also love the fact that she shared all her pain with the world as vulnerable as we feel when in pain, it is an act of courage.
Take off bathrobe. Remove PJ bottoms. Put on pants. Take off pants. Put on panties. Put pants back on. Take off PJ top. Pick up PJ top, put it right-side out, put back on. WTF??? Take off PJ top again. Put on sweater. Take arms out of sweater. Put on bra. Look for other sock…have one on and no idea when it got on my foot. Can’t find matching sock or anything close enough. Take off sock. Find pair of socks that look warm and comfortable. Put them on. Hmmm. Not comfortable. Remove socks. Find another pair. PUT them on.
Sit on bed, exhausted. Have overwhelming urge to put PJ’s back on! LOL
This is a copy of a post I commented on the ADDitude website. Many will probably view it as completely unhelpful or even go so far as to say it is inappropriate, seemingly not taking the problem seriously enough. What do you think?