I remember how I conducted my life during my teenage/20′s, years completely guided by my emotions with very little thought to anything.  My days and nights were completely devoted to feeling, seeking events that would stimulate a highly pronounced emotion, so pronounced that it would prevent all ability to think.  Living by feelings without thought, regardless of age, is a road to devastation, but an extremely exciting trip down!:)  Thoroughly enjoyable until bottom is hit.

On the next phase of how I conducted my life it was predominately accomplished by suppressing strong emotions, concentrating on the logical thought process of cause and effect most normal humans employ.  Living life without feelings entails using every last ounce of energy to suppressing your emotions and trying to focus of  the logical sequence of events that any action on your part will take.  Life is bleak and lack-luster, inviting depression arms wide open.

Currently the attempt is to get back to feeling, letting the emotions flow, good or bad, savouring and wallowing in all of them.  Allowing my instincts dominate my actions, wants and needs, learning to recognize the impulsivity and taming it while satisfying the need and using logical thinking when faced with tasks that are unnatural to me i.e. housework, filing, time management, housework, paperwork, filing, well you get my drift.

I like to daydream. It takes a lot of my time to daydream. I’m ok with that.  I’ve got the time to let my thoughts zip and zap their way across the universe.   I’ve got a computer to answer all the random questions about unrelated stuff that pop into my head.  Brain surfing.  I enjoy it.  It is fun for me.  This is my most favourite thing about having ADD…a source of amusement that never ends.  Can’t ask for anything more.

I would like to DO more than THINK ABOUT DOING, though. Something to work on, something to strive for.  Will it happen for me?  Maybe.  If I find the right trick that works for me long enough to get something accomplished.  I know the tricks and tips and routines only last for a limited amount of time so I’m always on the look-out for the next thing.

I used to regard myself as “somewhat obsessive”…ok, a lot obsessive:)  I’d get something in my head and wouldn’t be able to let it go, no matter how hard I would try to get it out of my head, change it or forget it, that “idea,want,need,thought” would not go away until I gave in and followed through until boredom set in.  Then, and only then, would it disappear and leave me in peace.  When I was diagnosed with ADD and learned about the ability to hyper-focus I was relieved that the obsessiveness I had lived with was common and could be used to do things that I needed to do.  Now, I just have to find a way to direct that hyper-focus ability to where it needs to go, not just what I want in the moment:)  This would be goal number 2:)

What about you?  What are your favourite personality traits that have developed throughout your life?