“You take yourself with you, no matter where you hide.”
Yes, we most certainly do!
ADHD Characteristics and Traits in ADD Children and Adults | Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Help & Info – ADDitude
“people with ADHD take 10 times as long as others to learn a habit and one-tenth the time to forget it.”
AIN’T that the truth LOL
That’s right. The bastard is dead. Finally.
Not soon enough as far as I’m concerned.
Think I’m going to pretend to mourn in front of the family? Think again.
Yes. He is, of course, a revered and beloved family member, honoured by most, respected by all.
But not really all. Not by me. Nor my brother.
We don’t pretend to like evil monsters.
I never did.
My brother is learning how not to.
For nearly 60 years and almost losing his beautiful family, my brother struggled with the repercussions of his abuse at the hands of a permanent fixture in our household, our uncle.
The silence almost killed him. Almost ruined his life. Thankfully, he’s been working through it with a psychiatrist for over 10 years. Best decision forced upon him ever!
As for me. The uncle was the loving father figure and family I desired. I trusted him. I believed in him. I honoured him and pretty much revered him.
I mourned his death the year I found out about the abuse my brother suffered. Abuse inflicted upon him at the tender young age of 4…all the way to the age of 12.
I went through a lot of emotions when I found out.
First off…disbelief. Albeit fleeting. Thank goodness my mind is intact.
Second…Anger. Oh, SO MUCH ANGER!!! and RAGE!
Third…betrayal. To think I trusted him for so many years. OMG!
Fourth…grief. Cried tears of complete loss of someone I held precious. Lots of pain and heartache during this stage. Lasted many months.
Fifth…confrontation. I had a need, a compulsion, to confront him about what he had done. Not to hear the denial, the excuses or anything else he had to say. I HAD to tell him what I thought of him. That I was positive there was NO AMOUNT of good deeds, praying or church attendance that would save his evil soul. The damage he did to my brother changed who he was…changed his potential and the damage is permanent.
Yes. My brother has some peace at last, but not completely. He was not able to take that final step, report the pedophile to the police, make it public. He stopped at the stage of informing his loved ones and the rest of the family. He could not emotionally predict how it would affect him when some of the family chose to pretend it didn’t happen. He doesn’t understand that. But he did find a good measure of peace and for that I am thankful.
As for me. My heart broke for my brother. The image of him at 4 years old, pain already filling his eyes as he looks toward the camera, is haunting. My heart broke for me as well. That broken trust. Can’t get over that. It just reinforced what I already believed (with some exceptions)…if you let someone in your heart they will just hurt you. Now the exceptions to the rule was being challenged and the outcome of what I would choose to embrace as my belief would affect my closest ally in life; my husband.
Poor man wouldn’t even think to do anything even remotely similar. His heart is as big and tender as mine, if not more so. Still. I had to think of him. Of how I know him to be. Not only his words but his actions.
Actions really do speak louder than words.
I trust my husband to continue to be the good man that he has always been to me. Generous, kind-hearted, loving and caring, always ready to help those in need, gruff but gentle at the same time.
He still makes me smile.
There is no such thing as a household chore that I enjoy doing, nor are there any that I find tolerable except for doing the laundry. However, even that chore is debatable. I do it every week, once a week, and it gets finished and put away that day. It takes me all day, morning til night, but that's because I forget about that 1st load (the timer buzzer on the washing machine only works sometimes). Also, the dryer buzzer goes off 3 times during the cool down cycle, so, if I ignore it or that sound doesn't register in my brain because I'm engrossed in something fascinating, I forget about that load in the dryer for hours sometimes. The whole thing is a pain in the butt.
What I actually do like to do but cannot do here in the city where I live, is to hang the clothes on a clothesline. I actually like the puzzle-like way I have to optimize the hanging of the clothes for best drying and to get the maximum amounts hung all at the same time:) Strange game for sure, but it works for me. Plus, when I bring the clothes in they smell fantabulous!
Short, short, short article I was reading in Chatelaine Magazine and these 3 things caught my attention, not only for emotional eating but for pretty much everything.
More thinking needed. My issues yesterday still bug me today, woke me early. Common denominator in all the situations that bother me is ME! Can’t change the situations much but sure can change how I react to these things…can’t I?
Become aware of your true hunger signals
Become aware of exactly which emotions drive your eating
Learn to stop punishing yourself every time you eat something that you are trying to avoid
Let’s look at them one by one.
My plan was to leave the house by 9:30 AM, get to the store, grab my hubby’s present and hightail it home before I even noticed I was gone.
FAT Chance of that happening.
I left at 10:40AM, a little more than an hour later than I originally “planned”.
Good news is I got 2 loads of laundry washed, dried, folded and put away. Yeah!:)
Got dressed, made my bed (pulled back the covers actually) and remembered to run a comb through my hair.
I was happy with my plan, even if starting out a little later than I thought. The store I wanted to go to is one city block away, about 10-15 minute walk. Made it in record time…beautiful warm day today!
Head straight to the men’s clothing department. Up and down the aisles I go…don’t men need/want/buy pj’s etc.? And how come this store doesn’t sell men’s bathrobes? What the hell! Now I’m kinda pissed off ’cause I gotta go to a different store. OK. There’s a mall right across the street, one block down from here.
I saw exactly 2 men’s warm winter bathrobes in the whole freakin’ mall. Both on clearance. One was a gigantic size 40…we are little people:) The other was smaller but such a hideous green that I would be ashamed to wrap it for the old guy:) His wish list is freakishly small…one warm bathroom and one portable scanner (which my son wisely put dibs on buying immediately).
OK. Terry robes look alike, whether they are for a man or woman. Off to the ladies sleepwear department. Whoa!!! Tons of bathrobes here! Now to find one masculine enough that he won’t suspect it’s a ladies bathrobe. Ah. Here they are. White, heavy terry spa like robes….long. And there’s a large (I figure a ladies large should fit him ok, right?). Off to the cashier before I change my mind. $73.00!!! And this one is on clearance? WTF. Whatever. I need to go home now!
Marching through the mall, full of people in my way. Move it…come on…I’m coming through. Sheesh!
Oooo….pretty bright colours. Sign says $5.00 deal. Gotta check it out. Scored two fabulous bright spring cotton sweaters for $5.00 each. Sweet.
My feet hurt. My head aches. My back hurts. My neck aches too.
Head straight to the nearest exit. Light up a smoke.
My feet are flying me home.
Will I never learn? Gotta stop waiting until I have no choice (the birthday is tomorrow!). I could have ordered something really nice online. Shit.
There’s always next year LOL
Have I ever!
But then I procrastinate. I've actually started and still on chapter 1. I've changed Chapter 1 about a dozen times already. I get distracted while I'm writing it. My mind jumps from one subject to another at 100 miles an hour, I can't write/type as fast as the thoughts come, and I forget about all the rules of writing that I ever learned.
Then, I think "who'd be interested in this anyway?", save the file and I don't revisit it again until I start obsessing about it.
Then, I become determined, I've read an article on how to get through starting a book, I try to make an outline. I find Chapter 1, add some type of index and rewrite the chapter. Save it and banish it from my mind for a while.
Will it ever get done?
Can't say for sure. But it's been in my head for about 20 years now. And that chapter has been written (rewritten) for about 3 years now. Maybe someday I'll have money to hire someone to organize it for me:)
Who among us haven’t heard the following points way too many times in our lifetime? And who doesn’t still
hear believe them to be true? I know I do. Hard habit to break.
• Jack-of-all-trades, master of none.
• You REALLY need to work on developing some self-discipline.
• If you don’t get organized you are going to come to grief.
• You’ve got to learn to postpone gratification.
• Just make a plan and stick to it
• Well sure, nothing comes easy, but you just have to make yourself.
• You really need to take responsibility!
• You have to buckle down.
click on the link below to read the rest of this helpful, insightful article by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC,SCAC posted in ADD and-so-much more: