While consensus was these incidents were not funny at the time they occurred, most of them seem awfully funny to me.
1. When I was a baby, too young to feed myself but precocious enough to speak already (my mother says 6 months but I don’t believe that), my uncle would appear in the doorway, and I would say “Heddo Uncoo” each and every time. The uncle would slip out of the room, up to 20 times in a row, and come back in so many times because he thought it was hilarious, but it quickly wore on my mother’s nerves because it prolonged the feeding time too much.
2. When I was being potty trained, walking and talking efficiently enough to carry my own new pisspot. (Mother said I was 1, again I don’t believe that)My mother took me to the store, bought a new pot and let me carry it. I proceeded to tell everyone we met that I had a new pisspot and show it to them.
3. At the age of 3 I habitually disappeared only to be brought back home, riding on the shoulders of a policeman. When finally asked why I kept doing it I responded by saying that I was finding a husband for my mommy.
4. When young, about 4 yrs. old, mother sent me downstairs to get the pack of meat she had ordered from the butcher. A 5 minute errand, at most. She waited and waited, but I did not come back! She looked out the front window and saw a brown paper package lying on the sidewalk, me running down the street, hair flying behind me, chasing the boys. When I caught them I kissed them.
5. When my little sister was born I was “jealous”. Instead of peeing in my own bed, I would get up, climb into her crib which was in my room, (also shared with my older sister), and pee in the baby’s bed. Then climb back into my own bed.
6. There was a bakery down the block which my mother took me to once to pick up bread. She told him to “put it on her account”. Every day after that I would get up early, slip out of the house and go to the bakery, pick up a loaf of bread and tell them to “put it on our account.” When my mother went to pay her bill she said it was outrageously high.
7. When I was 5 years old, on the 1st day of school, I was so excited I had to be spanked to stop me from “running around in circles”. Once there, I knew all the answers to all the questions asked by the teacher, which I blurted out before she had a chance to finish the question. It didn’t take long for her to put tape over my mouth and sit me in the back of the class on top of the ledge. At recess, I left the tape on my mouth and ran home. My mother said I was very upset. When I ripped the tape off my mouth, once I was sure she noticed it, I told her I was never going back ’cause it was too boring and I knew all the answers and the teacher was stupid!
8. Again at 5 yrs old, I would sit on my step father’s lap and read him the newspaper (he was illiterate). I was reading every book I could get my hands on, even my mother’s books and those of my older sister.
9. When 7 years old…playing Red Rover during recess. Being tiny, people liked to call me over ’cause I couldn’t break through anyone’s hands. But I always went for the biggest boys, those barriers were the strongest and I would run like hell then flip right over their joined hands, creating much amusement. Once, I fell over on a rock, which embedded in my knee. The school nurse had to remove the rock, disinfect and bandage it, but I fussed because I was missing the game.
10. At the age of 8 I became an excessive daydreamer, often having to be touched to get my attention. I was impulsive, always wandering off without realizing I was doing something forbidden until I noticed I was “gone” and felt disoriented. I was always the “instigator” with my little brothers and sisters, creating interesting situations when I was bored, and those ideas were always forbidden. I got slapped often for talking back, unable to control not speaking all of my thoughts. I was allowed to go to a parade once to watch my big sister march in the guard, but got bored long before she appeared, wandered off and no one noticed I was gone until the parade was over. I ended up “gone” for hours, long enough for the whole town to organize themselves and start looking for me. I was found miles from the original location, in the woods, and hadn’t even realized I was “gone” yet. Plus, I had no idea what the big deal was.
11. 12 yrs old-found one ski far away on the back of the property where we lived. I brilliantly tied all 3 of my little siblings feet on it and sent them careening down the hill. My 2 little brothers fell off and broke free halfway down, but my little sister ended up in the creek. Man, did she ever scream!
12. Still 12, I wanted to practice hitting the ball, with secret dreams of joining the softball team dancing in my head, but my little brother was too small to throw it far enough. I placed him almost directly in front of me and swung with all my might. His top lip still hangs from where the bat connected with his mouth and the stitches reattached part of his lip.
13. Also at 12, I locked that same little brother in a room when babysitting (while mom was gone to get groceries). Mostly because he had a ferocious temper and was crazed when he lost it. He was bugging my other brother and wouldn’t listen to me. Once locked in that room, he took the vacuum cleaner and broke the door with it. I thought he was the one that was going to get in trouble, not me. Wrong.
14. When I was babysitting at home, I once decided to try and bake cookies. I found a recipe but couldn’t find an ingredient, so I substituted something that was the same colour. I wasn’t allowed to turn the oven on so I baked the cookies on top of the stove. When my step father got home, he actually ate one, burnt on the bottom, raw on top. My mother told him not to encourage my stupidity. Then punished me.
15. Once, I didn’t want to wash the floor so I just applied wax to it so it would be shiny. Right over all the dirt. My mother spent the night stripping the wax and cleaning that mess.
16. Another chore…I didn’t want to do my sister’s laundry for her, so I hung her dirty clothes on the clothesline instead of washing them first. She was so mad, and so embarrassed to have her dirty underwear hanging outside “for all the world to see” as she put it. She never made me do her laundry again.
17. I got 100% on everything straight through grade school until the 6th grade. My science teacher decided to give me a B because my older sister wouldn’t go out with him. He actually told me if I wanted my A my sister would have to agree to go out with him. I was severely depressed, humiliated and deeply wounded. And Very Angry at my sister. When she found out, she hightailed it down to the school and took care of that teacher lickity split. I was hateful towards that teacher forever after.
18. In junior high I spoke to no one. I was in an accelerated learning group which consisted of the most nerdy, boring kids EVER. Except me of course:) I wanted to be in the “special ed” class because I had seen them in class, playing music on a record player, dancing and laughing. I stopped doing all the work for my classes, I didn’t answer any more questions and I almost failed that first semester. I single-mindedly pursued my goal of becoming part of that fun class. Of course, it was far from subtle and they contacted my mother right away. She took care of me lickity split.
19. Once, a boy asked me to the school dance. I was SO excited and out of my mind with happiness I impulsively said yes, even though I knew there was no chance in hell I would ever be allowed to go to a school dance. Then, somehow during that week, I forgot all about it and didn’t ask for permission to go or even try to figure out a way to get my own way in this. Plus, there was that fear factor I lived with, knowing my mother hated it when we asked to do something we knew we were never allowed to do. When I heard he waited outside on the school steps all evening, very sad that I wasn’t showing up, I felt really guilty. I did remember to ask permission that night, which of course resulted in major drama, and I did pick up the phone to call him, even though I had no idea what his # was, but I was not allowed to use the phone anyway so there was no possible way for me to call him or tell him I wouldn’t be able to go. I suffered guilty feelings, a lot of embarrassment and humiliation. So overwhelmed with those feelings, I was not able to tell him what happened, why I didn’t show up, so I just avoided him. I still feel that mild guilt to this day.
20. In high school, I only went to classes that interested me. I whizzed through every test I took. But, if the class did not interest me, I would be disrespectful enough to be banished from class if forced to go or I would just never show up for it.
21. I experimented with any and every drug offered to me with no thought for consequences. Ever.
22. I experimented with boys and enjoyed the power it gave me. I never formed any kind of attachment to any boyfriend, barely remembering who they were shortly after I broke up with them. They would always become too demanding of my time, wanting to be with me all the time. boring. This trend continued throughout most of my life until my current hubby snagged me. Lucky him. Ha ha ha.
Make it there on time, the right day and the right place…how I’ve “organized” myself over the years. Maybe something here will help you too. Who knows? Worth a shot right?
There are some things I can’t ignore, things I can’t escape no matter how hard I try or don’t try. Mandatory is different from taking on too much, making too many promises I can’t keep and just plain not being able to say no to helping. All those obligations that overwhelm you are mostly your created by a desire to please. That desire to please is kinda missing in my DNA. Thankfully.
Nobody else can actually do this thing for me, like go to the doctor. Mandatory is something that has to be done by me, my responsibility and no one elses. AND, if I don’t get it done the repercussions are not something I want to deal with. That is how I measure mandatory.
So here are a few ways I make sure I get them done, my “organizational” tips so to speak. I truly don’t think this term, organizational, really applies to how I get my mandatory life moments done and I think of these types of methods as “my way”. They are just my way of reaching certain goals.
- I make my doctor appointments as I’m leaving the office, with my trusty little calendar that I keep in my purse in my hand. As soon as I get home, before I even take off my coat, I go to the kitchen calendar and write that appointment down. Then, I go to the living room calendar and write it down there. Always in this order. For some reason, if I write it down on the living room calendar first, or bother to take off my coat first, I forget to write the appointment down or I miss an important step in the process and I never get to the appointment when the time comes. Go figure. Anyway. I put my purse and the appointment calendar on my desk, take off my coat, use the washroom, get coffee, etc. Then I enter the appointment into my Google calendar with some adjustments. I start by figuring out what time I have to catch the bus to get there on time. Then I add 10 minutes to that time. This is the time I put for the appointment reminder. I set the alerts to start 30 minutes before I have to leave to catch the bus and for every 10 minutes.
- My key ring, wallet and pen are big, bright and shiny, never black…not small or regular size, so I can find it quickly and easily without looking or emptying the actual purse to find what I need. My purse is the smallest, lightest weight I can handle for all the stuff I need, is a cross body so I don’t have to use my hand to keep track of it and I use a purse insert so that I can just grab it and put it in a new purse whenever the season changes. When I take anything out of my purse it always goes right back in it when I’m done with it.
- My desk is the smallest size possible to accommodate the iMac, keyboard, mouse, back up, in/out tray, candy dish and my coffee. I have almost no room for papers to accumulate.
- I will never remember the name that goes with someone’s face. Faces I remember, names not so much. Ever. No matter what game I play to trick myself into matching the face to a name, it does not work. So, everyone is forewarned.
- In the winter I wear pants only. And they are all dark in colour. It doesn’t matter which top I grab, they are all bright and warm, so in the morning when I get dressed my mind fog cannot make me look clownish:)
- I started using online banking when it was first offered by my bank, and paperless statements from every company that offered them. Then, I taught my hubby how to use the online banking and made him responsible for paying them on time:)
- I try not to collect anything like I used to. It’s a sickness and one that I embraced and cluttered my space with. Now, all my music is downloaded directly into the computer and iPod, everything gets scanned that has to be kept and I only watch movies through online rentals, play computer games and eventually, my telephone/address book will also be all online if I ever finish that damn project.
- My kitchen is small, and things are all in their rightful place, like-minded objects stored together. Hubby the organizing guru keeps the pantry looking like a grocery store shelf, all in order etc. I’m not allowed to put things away when I try to help him after he gets the groceries, but I can sure find things easy.
- If you do not have an organized person in your life, then hire someone to come into your home and create an easy system that suits your style. Best money you will ever spend.
- In the entrance I have baskets for gloves/mittens, hats/tuques, scarfs and hooks to hang the coats/umbrellas. I have 3 small shelving units to house all the shoes and a spot for the wet boots. I tore out the closet to have this system put up instead.
- The filing system is simple, generalized and colour coordinated. Credit cards, regardless of what company provides them, banking, pets, etc. That way is the simplest and easiest for me to follow without getting muddled up. Filing by topic works best for me rather than alphabetically.
- Prescription refills used to be an issue for me until my pharmacy started to offer the automatic refill service…yipee ei yeah! Plus, I use a place that is open late and only 5 minutes away if I forget to pick up that prescription and only discover that fact in the evening. And when the doctor gives me a new prescription, I immediately put it into my purse and I stop at the pharmacy before I go home so they will have it and I won’t lose it. My son once lost his prescription between leaving the doctor’s office and his car…he drove to the pharmacy, had to go back to the doctor and wait 3 hours then spend a lot of time convincing the doc he actually lost it and wasn’t a drug dealer so he could get another!
- Every box I pack has a list of what is in it taped to the top.
- I bring in the mail and I sort at my desk, using the clear trays attached to the sides to sort it by mail (used for outgoing/incoming addressed to others), to file, to shred, to pay, to call/follow-up, one with just my name on it and one with hubby’s name on it. If it doesn’t fit in one of these spaces, it’s trash.
- I use a lot of post it notes that are stuck on my monitor so I will remember to make those calls I have to make, finish the chores I must finish etc.
- My washing machine and my dryer have buzzers that I use all the time. My stove/oven timer gets a lot of use as well. It’s the only way!
So. That’s my wacky ways to get myself through life with the least amount of repercussions I don’t want. These are things that I have worked out to work the most efficiently for me. Some are old, tried and true and have worked for years and years for me. Others are newer, still open for tweaking if needed since I haven’t been using them all for over a year yet. One year seems to be the magic number for time…if I still haven’t got any issues using it for one whole year, it will stand the test of time for me.
See what I have had to go through over the years to become the most efficient that I can be? Some things seem convoluted and too complex but they are representative of how my ADD mind works. A little messy, a bit messed up but a whole lot better than trying unsuccessfully to be organized like a normal person:)
Bottom line…use whatever means possible that works for you and forget the rest. forgetting is the easy part, right?