I have been taking 10 mg of Lipitor to lower my cholesterol for over 20 years…actually I have been on Lipitor since my early 20′s! That is over 30 years of taking a drug that I don’t believe I actually need.
I approached the subject with my doctor a few times over the years and he always said No you cannot stop taking Lipitor because you still smoke.
He did not take into account that my diet went from completely fast food to NO crap whatsoever, without even one tiny slip up. I have not eaten junk food for over 30 years!
But the mysterious muscle aches and pains, the headaches etc. can all be attributed to this drug.
I am going to experiment.
I will stop taking it for one month…starting today.
I make my bed every morning, simply because it intrigues me.
The evidence of how we sleep, hubby and I, is starkly apparent.
His side is hardly mussed…the top corner turned down to indicate he got out of bed. The rest is exactly how it was when he got in it: neatly made. BTW, the photo below is NOT a picture of my bed, it’s just an example.
My side is ripped to shit. Poltergeist visits in the night while I sleep.
To make up my side of the bed I actually disturb his side of the bed, trying to straighten the incredible tangles of my blankets and top sheet, sometimes even the fitted sheet is pulled off the mattress. Believe me, that is no easy feat.
It has been over 30 years, 365 mornings a year, that I look at the bed and wonder “did he actually spend the night still?”
How in the world can he sleep without moving?!
Still a mystery to me…does he die in the night which would explain why he doesn’t move.
If I have a sleep disorder, then it’s a doozy…and long-lasting:) and bizarre, because I fall asleep before I make it into my bed. When I was younger, it would take me hours to fall asleep.
And now I’m told that I snore.
Maybe my snoring makes me restless.
Wonder if I have snored my whole life? Guess, not…at least not according to hubby:)
Oh well, I’ve lived this long without a good night’s sleep.
I used to fall off the bed in the night, then hubby pushed the bed against one wall and made me sleep in that spot.
Then he’d end up falling off the bed because of my “activity”.
So we slept with the mattress on the floor for over 20 years:)
Like hippies. LOL
And it doesn’t keep him awake, although he says sometimes I travel too much and he often spends a lot of time pushing me away with his feet because I am somehow down at the foot of the bed, on his side of the bed.
Geez! That’s kinda funny to me:)
Sometimes, dizzying, like you’ve been on the Tilt-A-Whirl too long but it won’t stop long enough for you to get off.
Often, well, more often than not, feeling like you are forgetting something. The older you get the more certain you are that you have indeed forgotten something, as the past has shown you more often than you care to remember. If only you could remember at the right time! Because, eventually, it’ll come to you…but it will be too late usually.
Very, very often, people think you are stupid because of all the stupid things you have done. As in jumping on a bike, thinking just because you don’t know how to ride a bike you can just take it to the top of the hill and hold on til you get to the bottom. Then that complete and utter surprised look on your face as you pick yourself up, look at your new bike wrapped around the tree, then see and hear the people yelling at you from the side of the road…some with concern, some with anger because they almost hit you as you blurred by in front of them.
Most people think you are lazy…which is ludicrous because you can’t stay long enough in one place to be lazy.
Laughing like a loon for no apparent reason.
Crying like a baby just because someone is crying on TV…or anywhere within your vicinity.
Laughing and crying at the same time.
As you get older, your biggest wish is a good, solid, long night’s sleep. You’d sell your husband for a good sleep!
You are never, ever bored thanks to the endless images whizzing through your mind. Yet, your greatest fear is boredom…which propels you to do something impulsive and silly. Sometimes, even dangerous.
People think you are faking being stupid…all because they witnessed one of your brilliant moments. Or, they believe you are an idiot.
You have been accused of being incredibly selfish, narcissistic and uncaring. Just because you didn’t notice what was going on around you…because there was too much going on around you.
You walk into stationary objects because you are distracted.
You can’t sit still for very long…unless something has captured your mind…then dynamite could explode right next to you and you’ll miss it.
Tai Chi or yoga classes are rarely full of people with ADD/ADHD. Because slowing down feels like you are at a standstill where time is endless and you are positive you will die of boredom!
Multi-tasking is never new for you since you’ve always done at least 3 or 4 things at a time.
You know stuff about a lot of stuff but you are no expert on anything because you can’t retrieve the information when the time calls for it. But it comes to you eventually. Too late, you’ve moved on to something else.
Everything is interesting at least once.
Endless source of amusement for anyone observing you with fondness.
Endless source of irritation for anyone observing you without fondness.
You get on your own last nerve sometimes.
Good habits, necessary habits, are slow, slow, slow to accumulate. Bad habits, not so slow. Yet, you move at the speed of light most of the time. None of that matters, because you will forget most habits after a while.
Taking a shower is an adventure every single day. As are all the ordinary things people do every day, like getting dressed, sitting down to eat, putting things away, paying attention…….well, you get my drift.
Organization is an alien concept but admirable when seen.
You are positive you should invest in the companies that produce all those pills for constant headaches because you always get one when you try to change into a normal human being.
Clumsy…but that never stopped you from trying something that requires coordination.
You will constantly be in battle with those that insist on fixing you…even when you want to fix yourself. It is a war that will not be won. ADD/ADHD does not go away…you just learn to live with it, accommodate it and disguise it.
Someone always wants to shove drugs down your throat…especially the people observing you without fondness.
There is so much more I could say, but now my focus insists I move on to something else. Maybe I’ll do another piece like this in the future…a part 2 if you like.
Hey whatever works! And you’ll give it a shot. But, you’ll get tired of changing the dosage, changing the drugs and trying to remember to take the damn things. Then you will stop trying and move on to something more interesting…and fun.
SEE THAT. I lost focus for just a second and now these thoughts don’t follow correctly LMAO
Like embracing who you are naturally instead of trying to be fixed all the time.
Besides, there is Nothing you like better than having a good time!
Hey, if I missed something important, leave a comment of what you think should be included, OK?
At the St John hospital by 10:30 AM, check in and wait about 10 minutes. The plastic surgeon arrives with his resident in tow, unwraps hubby’s fingers and says he has seen worse. He checks to see if they can all bend…only one finger does not co-operate. He sends hubby off to x-ray and I go out to the truck to take Boo for a walk.
The hospital is next to the St John University. Beautiful grounds for Boo and I to “walk off the stress”.
By the time I get back, the plastic surgeon has frozen the one finger and his resident is preparing the tray of surgical tools. I ask if I may observe…he pauses, grins, and says pervert…of course you can stay:)
My new favourite doctor! LOL
I am fascinated as he cuts the finger a little further down so his resident can fold back the tissue, which is the whole pad of hubby’s forefinger, all the way down to the back of the knuckle.
I inch closer and closer so I don’t miss anything. I’m practically on top of hubby, leaning over him so far he can no longer see the ceiling he is staring at:) I ask him if he feels anything and he says No, as long as they don’t touch the other 3 fingers, which are not frozen and hurt like the dickens!
The tendon in that finger is indeed mangled, shredded and clumped. The surgeon finds a couple of those clumps and sews them together. There are 2 small nerves on each side of that tendon, also shredded but he sews those up as well. He says he must use a type of material to sew the stitches that do not dissolve and that will remain in the finger forever. The danger of infection is huge and he drowns the inside of that finger with some type of disinfectant as he remarks “I don’t suppose you had the time to disinfect the table saw blade before you cut your fingers”.
We all chuckle. Everyone is a comedian in the Maritimes
Once it is all sewn up to his satisfaction he instructs his resident to sew up the pad of the finger, wrap it up good and then put all the fingers in a half-cast with the tips of the fingers slightly bent forward. While she is doing that, he goes out to arrange for hubby to meet with the physiotherapist that specializes in hand injury rehabilitation and get the medication hubby will need for the week. Antibiotics and Tylenol 3 for the pain.
I imagine the pain will be intense once the freezing wears off. I shudder just thinking of it.
My stoic husband has not made a sound during the entire procedure.
Until the resident accidentally bumps one of this other fingers as she starts wrapping them.
I swear I felt it too.
Hubby will be back Nov. 3oth with instructions to keep his hand dry. And watch out for infection.
We are out of there within 3 hours.
Home by 3:30 in the afternoon.
Hubby brought me home a wonderful gift that I must share with you:)
Hot pink toolbox, pink hammer, pink drill, pink level, pink cutter, pink screwdriver, pink tape measure and pink flashlight…all to the benefit of Breast Cancer Research.
Now, what’s the reason for his lovely gifting to me? Birthday? Holiday? Just to say I love you?
His ulterior motive was to keep me away from his tools, which I misplace and forget here, there and everywhere and then must help him find when he needs them:)
But that is ok by me.
I love presents, regardless of the reason.
Oh, and that measuring tape is pink on the inside too with the numbers written in white, which means he won’t ever borrow it because he has trouble seeing the white on pink:) hee hee hee
Remember to pick up any items that will benefit Breast Cancer Research during your shopping trips. There are SO many items now that are made and benefit this worthy cause, surely there will be something that you will need!
I used to sleep very little.
I used to sleep restlessly, tossing and turning all night, however short those nights turned out to be.
Now, I sleep like the dead.
Very little movement.
I still sleep for 5 hours.
But those 5 hours are restorative.
And because I’m not constantly tossing and turning, I feel fully rested in the morning.
I fall asleep around 10 pm, which I take to be a sign that the time zone change of 3 hours ahead has not fully registered in my body yet. Plus all the fresh sea air I’m getting daily. Minus all the stress from the city noise.
Which means I am fully awake and raring to go at 3:30 AM:)
With a house full of bodies sleeping on every available spot in the house, I am severely limited to what I can do.
Bathroom is pretty clean…no one sleeps in there! LOL
I haven’t seen my granddaughter since she was 7 or 8 years old. She is now a beautiful, almost 15-year-old, young lady who wears her heart on her sleeve and her sense of humour like a badge. She has taught me a lovely lesson in how to be yourself:) She is proud to be like her Grammy too LOL
Wearing my heart on my sleeve was taboo for me. In my ADDled mind, if people knew my feelings it was an open invitation to hurt me. My joy and my pain were things to be kept hidden at all costs, to protect myself from more pain and ridicule.
So NOT true for everyone!
I watch my granddaughter share her joy, her pain, her sadness and her enthusiasm. It makes my own heart swell with love for her and pride. How beautiful it is to see someone so accepting of those emotions! How wonderful it is to see someone recognize the feelings for what they really are, then live the emotion and then move on from emotion! So amazing! And far more manageable than my way…
Which is to suppress the emotion, pretend it doesn’t exist, push it down, push it away, deny it, feel it but bury it…etc. etc. etc.
Such negativity only leads to more pain, more hurt and less joy.
The proof is the way I’ve lived my life.
For instance, while in Montreal after 4 days of being on the road and suffering numerous panic attacks on the Montreal freeway, I was in NO condition to drive around the city to visit 6 siblings! Not to mention the waste of time, money and energy it would have taken to do that. Plus the toll it takes on the environment driving here, there and everywhere on our own when they could have doubled up, even tripled up, in their vehicles to come see me.
So, the only one of my siblings that I did spend a little time with was my little sister. We had a lovely, enlightening visit and I was very happy to hug her. We shared our true feelings about how we felt during our childhood, which is something we never spoke about before.
My sister had it marked on her calendar as a major event.
My four brothers did not bother to come visit. 2 of them didn’t even bother to call me or make excuses. It was a major non-event for them.
In the past I would have said “Whatever”, pretend I didn’t care, pretend I wasn’t hurt and carry that with me forever.
Instead, I was honest with the 2 brothers I did speak to, telling them I was hurt and listening when they said they would come visit me, here, on the island, during the next long weekend instead, because they were still working at 8 PM and they were tired.
I can understand that. I can relate to that. And I can now look forward to their visit. Without a grudge:)
As for the other 2?
Well, I am still pretty “miffed” about their lack of interest. So I’m waiting until I get a handle on the emotions before I say anything to them.
But I WILL say something…just not within the heat of the hurt feelings. Only when I can be somewhat rational.
It’s something new for me and I wonder how it will work out. I wonder if I will move away from the hurt by waiting to speak out.
How would you handle this situation?
Free to be me…finally!
Not that I was ever completely not me, but I worked so damn hard over the years to hide the parts of me that were completely met with disapproval, criticism and negativity which in turn created a “fake me” that was presented to the public at large.
Fake me took up so very much of my energy which in turn made me tired, overwhelmed with life in general and prevented me from doing things I really loved.
Fake me has been banished…forever I hope.
Living my life, letting my ADD/ADHD symptoms show and over-looking any frowns received from the general public gets some getting used to. I momentarily think “maybe I shouldn’t let this excitedness show”, dismiss the thought and launch into the somewhat surreal mode of “watching” myself interact with others as my “ADDer” self.
It is highly entertaining…for me and for those that love me:) Even some people who don’t love me or know me find it entertaining.
What do I do with the ones that show their disapproval?
I ignore them.
Which gets easier and easier each and every time:)
Sometimes, that in itself becomes a form of entertainment for me.
I have to be careful though, to make sure I don’t solicit that type of entertainment from sheer boredom.
Still, people can be very funny when they disapprove…their facial expressions are similar to that “constipated cat look” LMAO
But seriously, it is their problem, not mine. I am not harming anyone or anything by smiling too much, laughing too loud or talking animatedly, with great enthusiasm and passion.
Plus, Boo is in heaven here…rarely on a leash, running on the beach and around are property. What a party he’s having! Plus, he has the added bonus of being with us 24/7, which makes him super content and relaxed:)
Making my coffee and brushing my teeth bring about an awareness of this rather poignant last early morning in this house. My son and his woman asleep upstairs, hubby and Boo also still sleeping and the cats are at my feet thinking I’m about to feed them any moment now:)
The last time this scenario will be. Bittersweet and long overdue.
It seems as though I have been waiting forever for this day to arrive.
You know the day I’m talking about…the one that brings me towards a new chapter in my life.
The exciting journey that brings us towards a new way of life.
The biggest change for a long time. But not the biggest change in my life. That biggest change honour goes to the birth of my children…they were the beginnings of giant changes in my life and in myself. Growing together whilst we had lots of fun:)
That is the true goal of any change deliberately brought about in my life.
To grow and have fun.
Actually, that is my lifelong goal, always has been and hopefully will always be.
Shouldn’t that be everyone’s real goal?