After reading ellisinwonderland’s post last night with the link to the annoying xmas commercial I could not let the opportunity go by without expressing my opinion.  That’s what happens with us opinionated types, we’ve got something vital to say on just about every subject in the world LOL  That littlewoods commercial is very annoying indeed.  On so many levels, some deep and some superficial.  No matter, it’s a horrible commercial.  As are most commercials.  Radio commercials seem worse than television commercials to me, for the most part.  After all, commercials on television are sort, fast, flashy, sometimes shiny and bright;  all things that catch my attention, like a magpie, shiny and bright always gets me in the end.

Here in Canada, there are only a few Christmas commercials running regularly on the networks and all are U.S.A. born and bred;  T Mobile 4g (which makes me think they are talking about something like “orgy”, Toys R Us (who are attempting to cash in on some old commercials from way back in their campaign of nostalgia) and last but not least Coca Cola’s self-promotion on how they are “saving” the polar bear.  Yes, that’s right, the same polar bear they have exploited for a very long time now!  Anyway, I could quickly digress to saving animals, the environment, ourselves etc. but not really where I want to go right now.

I quickly read an article this early AM in ADDitude magazine about Holiday Blues, Holiday Stress, what do to about it, how to manage it, blah blah blah.  Basically what they say is what all articles say about this time of year and all the issues people have during this year-end madness of celebrations.  First and foremost, they all talk about “changing your expectations of the season.”  This is the one and only important point for me in any tip or trick on managing stress etc.  What DO you expect from the holidays?  Are you trying to recapture some elusive “good feeling” “happiness” or “comfort” that you think you remember having from your childhood?  Are you religious?  Are you greedy and want lots of presents but just never seem to get enough?  I can’t answer those questions for you, I can only tell you what I’ve done to make this season a pretty major non-event for me.

Holiday nostalgia is a non-issue for me.  I can’t remember most of my childhood and what little bits I do remember were not flooded with happiness and light.  So, I was never looking for anything that could be associated with recapturing any good feelings from times past.

Religion is a generally touchy subject for the world so I will apologize for my opinions on this in advance.  For anyone offended by others that are not religious, please skip this paragraph, because you really don’t want to know what I have to say.  I was “raised” Catholic, went to church every Sunday, attended Sunday school after mass to earn the stars on the forehead every week for memorizing bible passages, made my First Communion and Confirmation.  The few pictures I’ve ever seen of myself as a young child on Sundays are not of me smiling…ever.  My brows are furrowed (6 years old!), my forehead is tensed and deep lines are already forming (5 years old) and I’m standing/sitting/kneeling stiffly like a good little soldier.  What I really remember is having a hard time with the nuns and priests, always being in trouble for questioning the word of God and always being punished for it.  When I was 12, we moved to a fairly remote area, my mother married a Baptist/Protestant/whatever he wasn’t Catholic and the nearest Catholic church was not anywhere we could reach under a 2 hour drive.  So, the country folk in that area would pick us up and bring us along with them to their church.  I went to the Sunday morning service, Sunday school, Wednesday evening bible studies, summer bible camps, church sponsored anything and everything.  At this point in my life it was just to get away from my mother and out of the madhouse we lived in.  Nothing more.  I was pretty sure at that point that this organized religion, churches of any kind or denomination and the almighty pious people of the world were way wrong about what they were supposed to be doing and believing.  It was all make-believe and they were fooling themselves into believing cause they needed that crutch to get through life.  I was cool with that, accepting their need for that but very insulted that they wouldn’t accept my right to my opinion.  So, not a religious holiday for me:)

Greed is universal hitting us humans when we least expect it.  Wanting more stuff, more love, more, more, more, bigger,  bigger, bigger, I want, I want, I want…well, let’s just say that the brilliant marketing executive that tapped into that fact and was able to use it to sell whatever was a smart smart person!  I love presents, getting them more than giving them (that’s right, I’m not above admitting that I find it more enjoyable to receive than to give:)).  At least, that’s what I used to find happening to me.  I eventually got it;  all that stuff was creating a lot of chaos and stress in me so, I’m past it now.  Pared down, happy about reuse, recycle and remake as mantras for this modern world.  I give all the stuff that clutter my home away to others that still have that need to fill the hole with crap in the hopes that they’ll feel better.  Someday, they’ll “get it”.

So, I’ve covered nostalgia, religion and greed.  What else is there?  For me, it was an idea, sold to me over time throughout my childhood on television and in stories, about love, kindness, selflessness and friendship.  Families on TV during that time were portrayed on shows like Father Knows Best, Leave It To Beaver etc. etc. (bet you can guess my approximate age now, right? LOL) They were part of my favourite shows as a child growing up looking to escape the reality of my life, and they gave me something to hope for.  During the holiday season, people changed their public behaviour, because kinder, gentler more tolerant of others.  They smiled at everyone and wished them Merry Christmas.  Brought food and clothing to the poor.  I figured those were pretty good things and wished people really were that way all the time.  Then there was the friendship “definitions” widely accepted as the definitive rules of how to be a good friend.  Accept your friend for who they are, give your friend what they need, watch over your friends so they don’t hurt themselves, take care of them, listen to them, give them everything you can.  This one was very long in changing for me.  The belief that there were actually selfless, loving, kind people out there, just waiting to meet me and be my friend, was heavily ingrained in my psyche.  Never quite found yet never disproving that a true friend did not really exist.  Mystery, an enduring one.  Yes, not too long ago, maybe 6 or 7 years ago, I came to the realization that people are just people, all with needs and wants, doing whatever they can to make themselves just feel better.  Even Mother Theresa, as selfless as she was touted to be, did what she did because it made her feel better.  Ultimately, we all are looking for that.  Make you feel good to give to the needy?  Great!  Make you feel good to cheer up the sad?  Super!  Does it make you feel good to do things that you think make you a good person?  Fantastic!  You are on your way to feeling great in your great life:)  But what about those of us that just don’t buy into that, not really buy into it?  What are we doing to make ourselves feel better?  Drinking, fighting, drugging, sexing it up, pursuing any and all self-destructive paths we can find?  Do we hate ourselves?  I think not.  We are punishing ourselves for not being what we’ve been brain-washed into believing we should be.  Should is a stupid word that is banned from my own personal vocabulary!  It is a dumb word and a dumb idea.  I’m not an “immoral” person, I would not ever consider hurting someone just for the fun of it-that wouldn’t amuse me in the least.  Inflicting pain is a definite no-no for me, almost impossible for me, even in self-defense, I tend to avoid that.  Sustaining a friendship is way too difficult and I’ve never been able to show all the love I feel in my heart for the friends that I have had in the past.  I’m not a touchy, feely person, not a generous here let me buy you this and give you that type of person. I don’t have the ability to express myself verbally, feeling tongue-tied oftentimes, even with people I’ve known forever.  I usually feel like I’m on the outside looking in, slightly disconnected with those around me.

I like living in my head…everyone there understands me.  (I read this somewhere and it stuck with me as amusing but true).

So, what’s my point?  I am not extra stressed during the holidays anymore.  I do not shop til I drop or go bankrupt trying to please and give everyone everything their hearts desire.  I do not entertain (cause then I’d have to cook, and at the very least spend some amount of time in the kitchen…and you know where that takes me LOL).  I do not go to ANY holiday parties (yes, people still invite me) and I do not HOST any holiday events.  I buy my loved ones, children, spouse and grandchildren (that’s right, I became a grandmother at the age of 43).  That’s it!  I buy for no one else.  Not even a tiny little box of chocolates, nothing nada.  AND, I shop online for these gifts that I do give.  I very rarely venture out into a mall or shops.  So, as you can clearly see, I have no secret method nor do I have the answer to life’s eternal questions.  But I do have the answer for me.  I no longer suffer from any sadness during this season.  I no longer suffer from stress during this season.  I am able to look at the commercials and enjoy them for what they are, cause I know they won’t suck me in:)

Peace out.