Unacceptable Depression

I restarted taking antidepressants about 2 weeks ago. Very reluctantly I might add. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with taking meds for depression.

Evidently that statement applies to how I feel about other people taking meds. Not for me. huh

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like they don’t work, to a certain degree at least, but meds are not a cure. They just give you enough relief from the dark cloud crushing your very soul so you can help yourself.

And that’s the part I wasn’t accepting…that I cannot beat this clinical depression that sucks every ounce of my physical energy until I am little more than a legume.

I wonder sometimes why needing help, asking for it and accepting it is so incredibly repugnant to me?

Anyone have any idea why that is?

Helping hand

Well, I finally made up my mind I cannot overcome this clinical depression all alone so I accepted the Citalopram 20 mg daily and the Zoplicone 7.5 mg.

Last night I took the Zoplicone when I went to bed at 11 PM. I felt rather good when I awoke at 6:15 AM this morning. What a difference 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep makes!

I just swallowed the first daily dose of Citalopram not without a little trepidation of course. After all, my past experience with anti-depressants have been less than enjoyable or effective. I’m trying to keep my unrealistic hopes in check during this 6 week trial period. Still…hope it works enough along with the additional sleep to allow me to gather up some energy to move forward with life rather than just exist.

Fingers crossed people😄

Just Another Day

Wake up some time between 3-4 AM, head to bathroom, stoke the fire, make coffee,feed the cats, have a few coffees while I play FB games for 2-3 hours, have a smoke or two during that time, wash dishes for 1.5/2 hours, stoke the fire, eat breakfast while I read, lay down for a nap at 10 AM or so. 

Usually sleep close to an hour, have a smoke, play FB games, read email and FB, eat lunch while I read, play FB games til 2 or 3, nap again for about an hour, watch Ellen, play FB games, feed cats, feed dog, eat supper, make coffee, smoke, drink coffee, watch TV and play FB games, go to bed at 10 PM because I can no longer keep my eyes open. 

Totally useless, pointless days.

Huh

I heard this somewhere and it stuck in my head:
The goal is not to search for the meaning of life; the goal is to find a meaningful life.
True that😄

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Bell Let’s Talk Day

Today, one of our largest communications company is donating $.05 per tweet, retweet, cell call or text and Facebook share towards mental illness/health!
Currently sitting at over 78 million shares…well, that a good chunk of change folks.
Kudos to all participants😄
I was diagnosed with clinical depression (also known as primary depression) over 5 years ago. Along with ADD. I initially took the meds for both as well as therapy for a year. Hated the side effects and stopped.
So it’s been a daily chore living like this and I’ve done a lot to make things even more difficult for myself.
I retired very early, at a reduced pension…this ensures I could never be able to support myself financially if I ever found myself living alone.
I moved across the country, to an isolated island…effectively making myself completely and totally isolated from any potential friends I didn’t already alienate.
I lived there for 2 years and now I have moved again. My son bought a hobby farm, 5 acres, with a big house on the property and asked us to move in. So we did.
Now I am even more alone, living with the son and his wife and my hubby. Along with my 3 cats and dog and their 3 cats.
I have a doctors appointment in February and I just might start treatment again as I am increasingly lethargic, sleep less but doze off often, am full of aches and pains with no physical cause and really have no interest in anything at all.
So, I am losing the battle I think. This chronic disease is wearing me down, sucking the life out of me.
Hate it😔

2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,700 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Requested link

I received the following email and checked it out. I believe you should too!
Thanks Justin😄

J
Justin Blase
to me
4 days agoDetails
Hi there! I am the founder of InsuranceLibrary.com – and I am building out a section on the site where we house insurance answers related to those whose lives are impacted by ADD / ADHD.

These are answers to the most commonly questions users post on the site – and all answers are provided by licensed insurance professionals (ensuring the answer quality is good). This is the ADD / ADHD section: http://www.insurancelibrary.com/impaired-risk/add-adhd/

Right now, the site is getting about 70,000 visits a month, and these ADD related questions are pretty popular.

I wanted to check and see if you would be willing to add a link to http://www.insurancelibrary.com on your blog – as I think we have some great free resources available to those impacted by ADD.

Please let me know what you think!

Thanks!

Justin

Signs You May Be An Empath

1.Reading people’s feelings without trying. Empaths know what a person is feeling regardless of how a person “looks” on the outside?
2.Finding people gravitating to you for help. Empaths are often drawn, almost compelled to help them?People you have never met before may open up their deepest secrets to you, for example, while grocery shopping.
3.Craving alone time. Empaths need time alone with almost no external input.This is not just a preference, but a need to avoid getting overwhelmed by emotional information from others.
4.Knowing information when it is asked for. Empaths have this trait even as children.Others perceived this to be precocious as you all too often answered adults in conversation with the correct answer. Sometimes, in school, you did not need to study but just knew the answers.
5.Feeling strong emotional impacts everywhere. Empaths feel emotions while walking down the street when passing complete strangers.
6.Feeling emotional impacts from animals as well. Empaths take in signals from people and animals, often equally.
7.Waking up startled by sudden and intense feelings, and know they are not yours?
8.Feeling emotional “ripples” in the world?If there is a catastrophe that elicits a strong emotional response from masses of people, can you feel them? See them?
9.Knowing who is calling without being near a phone or cell phone. Empaths can feel someone is reaching out.

Are you familiar with what an Empath is?

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.
Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and will have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another’s ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.
I identify with this on a deep, deep level,
Could I possibly be an Empath?

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