Some “experts” say we are subconsciously attracted to those that reflect back to us our own selves. Really? If that were the case, why are we not attracted to our own reflections in the mirror? Why are so many people repulsed by what they see in the mirror? Why are our reflections so distorted to us? I am proof positive that I cannot and never have seen what I look like physically compared to everyone that has ever commented on my physical appearance. Others see me oh so differently than what I see in the mirror. I’ve checked. When someone makes a comment on my appearance, I have checked in the mirror to see if I can see the same thing. Nope. No way. No how. Can’t see it. Never have. The image reflected back at me in the mirror and in photos is in no way similar to what they have described. Are they deluded, or is it me? I suspect it’s everyone else but according to the so-called experts they imply it is entirely me. Hmmmm.
Some say we seek out that which is familiar, even destructive to us, like the abusive characteristics of parents i.e. the cold and unresponsive father figure, mean-spirited mother figure, etc… I used to think this was bullshit until very, very recently. I looked at someone close to me and saw the number 1 trait that my mother possessed and wielded like a sword. Using it more than necessary and drawing blood frequently. So, I would say this particular theory has some merit.
Some are attracted to those traits that we don’t possess but wish we did. Our complete opposites. Conundrum. Do we somehow believe that those desirable traits that we envy will somehow rub off on us? Like they are as contagious as the common flu. Must we be reminded that anything contagious will either run its course and disappear when we develop the immunities needed to combat the virus, or it will be the end of us because it is too powerful and foreign. Are people so delusional? I’m not so sure. I for one envy the ability in people to be organized with an affinity for time management. I am very certain it will not rub off on me and it is not contagious. I will not catch it and magically become a well-organized machine able to make my obligations materialize with little or no effort. But, here is what I do know for certain. Having a mate that is naturally inclined to organization and can estimate time passed as easily as I can jump from one thought to another, I can benefit from his ability. His abilities make my like easier, less chaotic and less overwhelming. Not fair to him? Maybe. Maybe not. After all, whether I’m in the picture or not, he’s still going to organize his life and manage his time effectively. What’s wrong with me being able to share that? Especially if he’s generous enough to good-naturedly take on all those tasks that require those abilities. Nothing wrong with that as far as I can tell. Perhaps if he resented it there would be a problem, but then again, that would make him selfish, right?LOL I’m lucky enough to have chosen to share my life with someone who did not want to change me, make me over in his image. This has brought on another question in my mind that I have never found an answer to.
What the hell do I give him? Can’t think of a thing really. As a “wife”, in the conventional sense of the word, I’m a complete flop. housewifely stuff just not my thing LOL My sensitivity? Well, he’s fond of saying he only has one feeling (which I’ve identified and don’t possess either) while I have SO many all-consuming intense feelings that it shuts me down often. I’m not sure what that could possibly give him:) Except a headache maybe!LOL My quick wit, mostly unused intelligence? He has his own wit and intelligence, different but possibly equal to my own. My odd sense of humour, my sense of the ridiculous my inappropriate use of humour to ease the stress of a situation that becomes too much for. Maybe that amuses him. He certainly laughs enough most of the time, but not all of the time, particularly when the humour makes him the object and cause of the stressful situation. This also happens a lot.
We certainly don’t have much in common. He likes sports and intense activities. I couldn’t hate that more. He likes classical music, instrumentals being his favourite modern-ish day sound. I like singers, words and heartfelt belting out of a song. Current and new is exciting. My iPod is my lifeline. Music is my balm. Not so with him. I like television, dramas and comedies and talent shows that feature singers. He loves the history channel, war stories in particular. Those hurt my eyes and head. I love to read, especially about the supernatural, stories that are meant to take you outside of your real life. His reading material is pretty much like his television viewing. We both love our children, we are both will rush to the defence of those unable to defend themselves. My responses to situations are usually intensely felt, emotional in all reactions, good or bad-tempered by my gentle nature and inability to hurt others. His responses are also intense, cold and hard, often radical in nature, raw and deliberately hurtful. Makes me intensely uncomfortable when I am present on these occasions. So uncomfortable that I disassociate. Certainly keeps us on our toes you could say. Cannot become complacent in this relationship when there is no way to know what will happen next:)
IN conclusion, I believe that the experts miss a lot when formulating their theories. All of their findings and studies are tempered with what they find familiar. They respond to certain reactions, understanding and clarity far more likely than when they don’t understand or cannot identify with a response or circumstance. What they don’t understand they put down to pheromones. A natural chemical a body produces to attract the opposite sex. My question to that is what about the asexual? Do they not produce any pheromones? No answers worth repeating to that question.