I Don’t Believe in “Marriage”

Yup.  I do not believe in marriage.  This coming from a woman who has been married twice!  LOL

The first time I got married, I was 18, pregnant, scared and desperate to escape my mother’s clutches.  I agreed to marry the father of my baby, put it off as long as possible, changing my mind every month as long as I could.  I think I got married in June…maybe May…gave birth at the end of July.  I barely remember the timeline, but I do remember being reluctant to get married: I remember locking myself in the bathroom and my older sister banging on the door telling me to hurry up or I’d be late (which I was, very late, to the point where everyone at the church was in a panic!), I had to be pulled down the aisle by my mother’s then husband, and I felt sick to my stomach all the time, throwing up many times that day.  I wore a long dress (a compromise on my part), blue, and some kind of silly hat my family insisted upon.  I also remember disappearing for a few days after we moved in together, with him calling the police to report me missing and everyone being in a panic ’cause no one knew where I was for days.  I left him not quite 2 years later.

The 2nd time I got married was to the great husband I currently still have.  It’s been over 30 years now, and still surprising to me whenever I try to wrap my head around the length of time we’ve been together.  But, he kinda tricked me into getting married, because I was adamant we did not need to get married.  He finally convinced me by appealing to my sense of motherly protection for our baby, saying his money-grubbing family would strip me and the baby of everything if anything should ever happen to him.  I agreed to go to city hall with him for a civil ceremony.  His parents did indeed ask to see the proof of the marriage certificate.  I wore grey knickers and a wool sweater.  It was cold in December:)

No corny honeymoon for either marriage.

To me, marriage never meant anything.  Some kind of event created by the church then perpetuated by the government as a means to collect money for taxes etc. and so on and so forth.  All a gimic.  The elaborate clothing, the massive party and gigantic food bill to feed all the people, not to mention the hoards of money spent on the honeymoon.  I did not dream of the fairy tale wedding as a young girl….fairy tales did not exist for children like us.  It was all non-existent in my world, and I believed my siblings foolish when they went all out with their own “fairy tales”.

What I do believe in is commitment between 2 people towards the same goal.  Being loyal and honorable towards each other.  Respect and honesty.  Kindness and caring for what you are creating together.  Love.  Being flexible enough to grow together, intelligent enough to recognize when the goals change and adaptable enough to change with grace and dignity.

My husband and I believe our truth to be the only truth…for us.  It works for us.  It works well.

Hubby is romantic and loves me deeply, almost overwhelming him at times.  He truly feels most happy when I display great joy.  He’s compelled to create great joy in our life.  Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?!

And me.  Well, I’m no romantic, that’s for sure.  And I’m not compelled to create great joy for him either.  But I do love him, respect him, enjoy his company, feed off his quick mind, laugh at his incredibly corny jokes and I can’t imagine life without him.  I love it when he “grows”, changes his beliefs and learns new things.  He keeps me amused.

And isn’t that the point?  Unconventional?  Perhaps.

Does it matter, though?  Do you have to be like society wants you to be?  Is it success possible by “going against the grain”?

Being different does not mean you are wrong…it just means you are different.

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6 responses

  1. I am right there with ya…Having been married 3 failed times..the first is my daughters dad, the second doesn’t even count and the third was insanity I now have someone who feels just like I do about marriage. Its not the paper its the commitment. We love each other deeply and look forward to every minute with each other..lol oddly enough he is not a US citizen, he is Canadian and holds permanent residence here…lol

    1. LOL, must be the Canadian “go with the flow” attitude:)

      1. Lol…I think you are right…I love him so much….

  2. Too funny Nicole:)
    Anyone that lives with someone else before marriage really has every single thing they need, so a gift registry would not be useful or environmentally friendly LOL

  3. love love love love love love love love love.
    that’s 9 loves.
    9 is my favourite number.
    this is my favourite post of the week! ❤

    1. wait. another good reason to get married, besides ensuring that you and your child are cared for if anything sadly happens, is the gift registry!!! i’ve been staring at the DC28 ALL weekend, but i won’t spend the money. but i WANT to spend the money. funny that i’d spend that on a pair of shoes. 🙂

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