Too many people lie, thinking it is far better to tell you what you want to hear rather the truth. Just like in the old movies of yesteryear, I hear that infamous line “White men speak with forked tongue”.
Why is that?
Doesn’t make sense to me! Not even a little bit!
If I say “Yes, I’ll commit to this for now, as long as we can change it if/when needed. Can it be changed quickly and easily?”
Response: “Of course. Not a problem. Just say the word and it will be changed whenever you like!”
Then, when I say I need to change it, I get resistance. I get flak.
EXACTLY what I was afraid of!!!
Is it me? Did I not make myself clear? Do I have to ask for EVERYTHING in writing?
Are you wondering what I am talking about? Yes, me too. LOL
No, I am talking about my return to work schedule, the one that I insisted on altering because it wasn’t “fast enough”. The schedule I changed to the current accelerated schedule, because in my ADD mind I envisioned a most efficient, energetic SUPERHERO, flying through the day accomplishing feats of unbelievable quality and quantity like no other before me.
Delusional. As usual.
I came home after 4 hours of attendance at work, actually putting in about 1 hour of real work on the last 2 days. Monday and Tuesday were spent waiting, which fuelled a rage in me that spilled over into my doctor’s appointment on Wednesday. So much anger that I gave voice to. The anger had free rein…and scared the crap out of me!
I have issues with anger. None of them good.
Anyway. When I got home from the workplace in the early afternoon I felt overwhelmed with fatigue. A great amount of physical fatigue would propel me towards the couch, where I would lie, lifeless and useless, for about an hour.
My Boo lying on my tummy, looking at me with concern, surely wishing I’d move and play.
I wished it too.
Couldn’t make it happen.
Hopefully it is just a side effect of the medication, like the spike in blood pressure and the aggravating rash.
Tomorrow is the start of a short week, 4 days because of Good Friday. I’m supposed to put in 6 hours a day.
I will leave that office the second I feel I need to. I will not force myself to overcome how I feel and stay the whole 6 hours if I’m not healthy.
I will not put myself back to the beginning by pretending I’m fine. Only to come home and collapse into nothingness. Depleted. No job is worth that.