People lie.

Too many people lie, thinking it is far better to tell you what you want to hear rather the truth.     Just like in the old movies of yesteryear, I hear that infamous line “White men speak with forked tongue”.

They sure do, Tonto.  They sure do.(en) Monitor lizards' forked tongue. (fr) La l...

Why is that?

Doesn’t make sense to me!  Not even a little bit!

If I say “Yes, I’ll commit to this for now, as long as we can change it if/when needed.  Can it be changed quickly and easily?”

Response:  “Of course.  Not a problem.  Just say the word and it will be changed whenever you like!”

Then, when I say I need to change it, I get resistance.  I get flak.

EXACTLY what I was afraid of!!!

Is it me?  Did I not make myself clear?  Do I have to ask for EVERYTHING in writing?

Are you wondering what I am talking about?  Yes, me too.  LOL

Blankman

Blankman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No, I am talking about my return to work schedule, the one that I insisted on altering because it wasn’t “fast enough”.  The schedule I changed to the current accelerated schedule, because in my ADD mind I envisioned a most efficient, energetic SUPERHERO, flying through the day accomplishing feats of unbelievable quality and quantity like no other before me.

Delusional.  As usual.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I came home after 4 hours of attendance at work, actually putting in about 1 hour of real work on the last 2 days.  Monday and Tuesday were spent waiting, which fuelled a rage in me that spilled over into my doctor’s appointment on Wednesday.  So much anger that I gave voice to.  The anger had free rein…and scared the crap out of me!

I have issues with anger.  None of them good.

Zombie Farm

Zombie Farm (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Anyway.  When I got home from the workplace in the early afternoon I felt overwhelmed with fatigue.  A great amount of physical fatigue would propel me towards the couch, where I would lie, lifeless and useless, for about an hour.

My Boo lying on my tummy, looking at me with concern, surely wishing I’d move and play.

I wished it too.

Couldn’t make it happen.

Hopefully it is just a side effect of the medication, like the spike in blood pressure and the aggravating rash.

We’ll see.

Tomorrow is the start of a short week, 4 days because of Good Friday.  I’m supposed to put in 6 hours a day.

I will leave that office the second I feel I need to.  I will not force myself to overcome how I feel and stay the whole 6 hours if I’m not healthy.

I will not put myself back to the beginning by pretending I’m fine.  Only to come home and collapse into nothingness.  Depleted.  No job is  worth that.

Who am I kidding?    Idiot Road

Only myself.

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One response

  1. This speaks to me all too well, including the puggle version of the described Boo. And I’ve never been on medication. Glad that I’m working for myself. I hope that you have a much better week in the workplace, Jeg! Lots of love to you. x

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