Spent the afternoon at the doctors’ office, waiting mostly, but also fuming as usual. I really really need to end that!!! It has gotten old and stale now, just thinkingabout it makes smoke come out of my ears.
Anyway, lab tests results were spectacular, as usual, for I am as healthy as a horse as the saying goes. Which is really a weird saying. Think about it. Why a horse? Why not a dog? Or a cat? Or a zebra?
First thing doc did was sit and tell me how much of a hurry he is in…do I care? What else is new? Then he proceeded to say why the early visit? What was I doing there?
I clamped my mouth shut, obstinately refusing to respond to what I took as provocative comments about my presence. He continued on in that vein as he flipped through all the pages in my file, came across the lab results, concluded that was why I was there. So I finally spoke up (and he was staring at me expectantly too). “I’m here because you wanted me here. I’m certainly not here because I want to see you again.” Then he remembered he changed my meds, needed to check up on me etc. He doubled my prescription for the Strattera, brushed aside my description of all the sleep I’ve been getting, putting that down to coming off the stimulants, and said to come back again next week, then left.
So I made the appointment for next Thursday and headed out into the rain. Tried to keep my cigarette dry long enough to smoke it. Almost was successful. As I was crossing the street to catch my bus…the bus left. Which left me another 30 minutes to wait for the next one. Then my iPod ran out of juice, leaving me wide open to the sounds of traffic, which got louder by the second.
I finally got home, changed out of my wet clothes after letting poor little Boo out.
I was thinking about the people I see every morning in the train. All glassy-eyed, all sitting or standing still, staring down or up or anywhere but at another person. Avoiding all eye contact, trying to remain unseeing and unfeeling. Completely disengaged. Motionless, even the ones with the iPods. Not even the most minute nod of the head or tap of the foot to keep time with the music. I wonder if the iPod is actually on at all. They have all turned inward to disengage themselves from what I can only conclude is their unpleasant train ride. Perhaps they are all this way because their personal space has been invaded by strangers? Are they just looking for a tiny piece of personal space when they turn themselves into zombie-like creatures?
Unlike me. Absorbing all sounds and lack of movement. Making me stand out even more with my constant foot tapping, leg bouncing butt wiggling moves to the beat of my iPod. My eyes constantly roaming through the faces of each individual seated and standing, not because I am particularly interested but because I am mind-numbingly bored and my attention wanders constantly. My thoughts bounce around ideas, most outlandish and often mundane as they are quickly discarded by me. No great moments of brilliance I’m afraid.
Although I did come up with the thought of Killing Time as a future blog post. I have become an expert at Killing Time. More to come on that.
Well, I must be off once again to the office. In the train. With the zombies.
Zombies are dumb.