I have forgotten what it is like being me, without medications. Not so strange really, since I forget SO much.
I was chatting online yesterday with someone I play online games with. She started reading my blog and gave me a compliment on my writing. I was touched to the point of being teary eyed.
Yes, I realize it was somewhat overreacting to a compliment that was possibly just an offhand comment. But that was always the case with me. I’m not used to compliments, especially not when it concerns something I truly care about.
Oversensitive is what I’ve been called and known as throughout my life. The difference now is I accept it, will no longer fight it, squelch it or deny it and pretend I’m not touched by others’ words. I am. Touched. In many ways:)
Another thing I had forgotten was how easily I forget stuff. We had also chatted about American Idol, with me saying I was not surprised Holly got voted off. She was confused, wondered what I was talking about and reminded me it was Colton that was voted off. I laughed myself silly with that one. Once she reminded me I totally remembered being surprised that the young girls hadn’t voted often enough to keep Colton in the game. It was mostly wishful thinking on my part when I referred to Holly being gone. I had replaced what I felt should have happened to what had actually happened. How bizarre is that? Not so bizarre when you realize I’ve been like this my whole life. That’s what friends are for, to remind me that I’m remembering the facts incorrectly:)
Then, I went to bed at 11PM or so because I was tired. I tossed and turned for an hour. Took my pillow and headed to the couch so I wouldn’t keep hubby awake, push him off the bed or knock him silly with my excessive movements again. I grabbed one of the books I’m reading and read for about an hour or so. Then I fell asleep. I have to start doing that every night from now on. Reading a good book quiets my whirling mind and stills my nervous body. Allows sleeping.
Note to self. Read at night before trying to sleep. Do not stuff this note in my purse.
My purse weighs a ton now. I have stuffed it with all sorts of stuff yet to be discovered. Again. Total chaos in my purse. Man. I really need to quit doing that. I write ideas down on any piece of paper that proves to be handy in the moment. Then I rip that paper, fold it and stuff it in my purse. Then I end up with a purse full of ripped paper with scribbles I can barely understand. And before anyone says get yourself a notebook to write in…I have a notebook in my purse. It even has stuff written in it. Still. I manage to not have it handy a lot of the time. That has to be the reason why I end up with a purse full of papers. Gotta think more on this one. I really need to get a handle on it because it is an old habit of mine that bugs me.
I’ve tried carrying the recorder and using that. I feel super silly doing it, so I don’t. Ditch the recorder.
Hubby and son are talking about getting me an iPad for Mother’s Day. Maybe if that happens I’ll finally stop using paper?
I also had forgotten how often I drink coffee. And how delicious coffee is to me. Awakens every pleasure path inside of me. mmmmmmmm….yum yum yum
And candy. Certain candy. Jellybeans. Mackintosh toffee. mmmmmmm…yum yum yum
This is self medicating at it’s finest I say.