Fair warning, this is a long post🙄
Who’s controlling what? Seacy blogged about pain control, being controlled by pain or controlling the pain and mourning who we once were. I reblogged his post just now so it will set you to thinking.
A favourite saying of the pain control groups is “You are not your pain, you are not your illness” etc. And so on and so forth.
I think the reality is we really are not “who we used to be, what we used to be able to do compared to our reality now.” Regardless of what stage, age group, whatever. The truth of the matter is your pain is all yours. It affects the decisions we make, it redirects our focus on what we consider important. So while I am not my pain per se, my pain most definitely influences my daily decisions. My pain dictates where I will direct my energy, my pain influences how I choose my battles.
All this being said, the essence of who I always have been has not changed at all.
I am still the person who loves with all my heart, even when I get nothing much in return. I am a “glass half full” person, rather than a ” glass half empty” person. I am non-judgemental and have always known people never show the whole picture. I cannot know anyone’s true story nor can I feel what they feel. My empathy is strong whereas my sympathy is rare…after all, we ultimately create our own realities by the choices we make. We are all in complete control of our destinies and we can change where we are headed by our choices. I am generous to a fault, I worship the environment and it breaks my heart to see the devastation the human race has done to our earth. More than anything I love, love, love to laugh. I have always loved to read and I have always loved a wide variety of music. All of this is who I really am. The only difference between then and now is I MUST now focus on my body, which I have never bothered with before. Just like a car that is never cared for and just stops working.
My reality was this: I chose to ignore the physical pain because I was busy doing what I considered to be fun and interesting at the time. As everyone knows, ignoring something does not make it go away. For the most part, ignoring a problem makes that problem grow until you are unable to ignore it any longer. You are then forced to deal with a bigger mess than you would have had if you had faced it in the beginning, when it was small and annoying.
Am I making sense to anyone?
Bottom line: I am still me, whether I’m out and about raising hell or whether I am just sitting in my chair, thinking and pondering about this and that. All this pain that forces me to take care of myself is a message in and of itself. My personal message is remember who you are, take care of the tool that is your body. I am not I infaillable, I am only human. I must remember: as all the elements of nature must work in harmony and be in balance, so must I.
Easier said than done.