Zzz. Trying to catch some restful zzzz’s is a serious, serious issue for people with Fibromyalgia and ADD.
From as far back as I can remember it has been an issue for me. I seriously doubt I an alone in that.
When I was very young, my method of putting myself to sleep was weird. I did leg lifts until I exhausted myself. These were legs straight up in the air, then back down, then lift back up, sometimes reaching the 100’s before sleep overtook me. It was disturbing to my siblings…they could hear the thumps as my legs hit the bed. I had rock-hard abs at the age of 12😀
Then, in my teens, it was restlessness that overtook my every waking moment, and my every sleeping moment. ADD was not known back then, so I was just classified as a troubled teen/young adult. I started self-medicating with street drugs and got myself into a whole mess of trouble. amphetamines and stalking up and down the city streets at night until my pants literally fell right off of me! It was downright ridiculous!
Young adulthood seemed to put more sense into me so I could settle down, raise a family, work etc. Etc. Etc. My restlessness never went away. I slept and traveled so much in the night I had to sleep with my mattress on the floor because I fell out of bed almost every night. I traveled from one corner of the bed to the other, constantly. My bedding was a tangled mess in the morning.
Then came along my 30’s/40’s, and the restlessness was all day and night, resulting in several job changes, moving from city to city, even country to country, at a ridiculous amount of $$$. My bed was now off the floor, on a platform, and the restlessness manifested in not getting to sleep at all or waking up every hour on the hour.
At this point in my life I began to doubt I would ever sleep like a normal person (I heard people talking about how they slept like a log, or slept like a baby. Say, what????) I was showing signs of sleep deprivation by the time my late 40’s came along. My ADD symptoms of lack of trouble with focus, restlessness, disorganization, misplacing stuff, etc. were severely uncontrollable, enough so the doctors were able to diagnose Adult Attention Deficit Disorder and medicate me for it. Now ADD meds are a wonder for focus issues but they are renown for interrupting sleep! Like I needed that, yeah, like hole in the head. Plus, we were so busy focusing on the ADD we never put all that pain I had into the picture. It was always treated as a separate thing, sending me to chiropractors, physical therapists, acupuncture, witch doctors (just kidding about the witch doctors) and so on.
It wasn’t until I was 59 years old that I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and given some minor relief from pain with Lyrica. Too little, too late, I say. Counting an endless amount of sheep, or taking an endless amount of sleep aids cannot cure this NO SLEEPING phenomenon.
Now, anxiety for the future is a worrisome thing. At this point, I have all day and all night to think about my future. It seems bleak to me.
I was forced to retire from a well-paying job to a dangerously low-paying retirement cheque because I retired at the early age of 56. My husband is 68 and still has to work so we don’t go bankrupt. The financial consequences are potentially tragic and worrisome for our future, whatever is left of it. There is very little we can do to fix a money problem like this at our age. My future alone is bleak and scary. I can barely think about it without becoming full of anxiety. Being dependent on others for your well-being requires a whole lotta trust…you are, after all, making them responsible for your life. That’s no small thing my friends. Not only trust but the very thought of being a burden on someone is depressing. Even the government is staggering with the amount of burden being a senior has created!
But I digress.
Back to lack of sleep. I often internally, sarcastically chuckle whenever I hear “Final Resting Place”, “Rest In Peace”, and so on. I firmly believe I will be a restless ghost after I die.