I woke up at 2 AM and began thinking about my age, which is 60, and my fibromyalgia pain. Combined in one little body is scary!
For a little while I compared myself to my hubby, who is 68, gets up VOLUNTARILY at 4:30 AM to go work an 8 hour shift in a store. He does not sit around, hardly ever, is fairly sociable compared to me and far more cheerful. That makes me happy for him and cranky for me.
So, I, even though I am younger by 8 years, have him beat, hands down, on feeling old.
At 60, I am not even remotely energetic or capable of holding down a job. I am always shifting around trying to get comfortable and lessen some pain, but I have the demeanour of an 85-year-old in an assisted living facility.
These types of comparisons, whether it be comparing yourself to others or comparing yourself to who you used to be, are very disheartening and self-defeating. Not to say it’s great being so old before your time… Cause it absolutely fucking sucks the big one!
I find myself wondering how anything could get better for me. The unpleasant and often irritating little things of aging are amplified by the Fibro. Some things, like the incontinence women often have as they age, are just plain fucked up. I mean, seriously, is this necessary????!!!! To fix it means surgery…come on!!!!!
Most days I can just say WTF and move on anyway. But not on days like this, that start at 2 AM.
I try to imagine what it must be like to get a diagnosis of fibromyalgia when you’re in your 30’s. I’m thinking a state of being in denial for a long while would be in order, especially after finding out in all those chat rooms for Fibro support all the shit the older people are feeling. Is it any wonder depression is so prevalent amongst Fibro patients?
Well,nit is now 5:45 AM, I’m sore and very tired so I think it would be smart to try to get comfy on my couch, with a pillow and blanket.
If I don’t I will officially be able to audition for the next zombie flick.
That little saying implies that people choose to stop having fun. This is not true. It’s hard, really really hard, to have fun when everything hurts so damn much! Having a choice becomes wishful thinking.
And now I think I have a new disease