Fibro: Hauntingly Ghostly

Chronic pain sufferers all know they are but a ghost of themselves.

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Our choices of how to live our lives seem to be no real viable choice at all. Acceptance of living in constant pain, and the sorrow that is part and parcel of it.image

Or living in a drug-induced haze of pain killers,image

constantly sleeping due to the drowsiness caused by the drugs that muffle the pain but doesn’t take it away.image

Let’s not forget the scrambled brains as another medication side effect.image

That really is no kind of choice,for they both trap me inside myself, where I can only pound away fruitlessly to get out.

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I am engulfed with disappointment that my life will not be dancing to my favourite tunes.

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Instead, it seems, I will be mindlessly searching for relief of pain, while I stumble and shuffle along seeking some way to get decent amounts of restful sleep.

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It occurs to me day after endless day, that just existing is not enough for me or anyone else I believe.

 

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I need more than a bare existence to prevent hopelessness from taking over. So when I get a moment of relief from pain I will try harder.

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I will not be taking any more medications that are traditionally prescribed for fibromyalgia,since the side effects are all pretty much the same. Being reduced to a somnolent mass of human flesh is not a reasonable choice and I refuse take that route any longer.

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I’ll  live with the pain, sleeplessness and my moments of despair along with a lot of angry moments.

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Even though most days I feel as strong as a wisp of smoke, knowing one strong breeze will blow me away, I will seek ways to find more than short pain tolerable moments.

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Although my options for alternative treatments are severely limited to almost nothing’s new my geographical area, and I shudder at the thought of having to move once again, move I will if that’s what it takes. When I heard these words come out of the doctors mouth I felt overwhelmed.

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I am trying to find some positivity in all this, which proves to be super challenging to the point of being headache inducing. This post was ready yesterday, but I couldn’t bring myself to hit that post button because of how negative it is.

So, my positive is NO MORE DRUGS!

I am not a fan of medication, mostly because for me the side effects are too often worse than the disease. So, firmly deciding that I will not go that route any more unless there is a cure attached to the meds gives me more of an illusion of control.

How often does that happen, curing with medications?….penicillin I think,

meds for STD’s come to mind😄

 

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