I’ve written before about my dreams, focusing on the ones that I control, somewhat called Fibro/ADD:Nighttime Dreamer.
The ones that leave me feeling accomplished as a superhero or even just someone who saves the days, strong and viligent.
I haven’t talked about the ones that are dark and menacing.
These dreams leave me feeling heavy, in danger and in a very bad mood.
When I awaken from these dreams that are not clear, my head feels over-stuffed, eyelids too heavy to force open and a brain filled with foreboding. I feel I’m in danger, danger that I cannot walk away from.
I cannot remember details per se, just snippets of gory, senseless and monstrous bits, making me feel trapped and afraid. This is the stuff of nightmares…or are they memories of feelings past that I have locked away to protect myself?
On these days, I shuffle around with an aching head, deep frown lines creasing my brow for hours afterwards. Not in any attempt to recall these dreams, but to forget and banish them. Yet they persist for the day, hovering in the deeper recesses of my mind.
This is the darkness inside of me.