Fibro: Lifelong Depression

To be perfectly honest I have been depressed since as far back as I can possibly remember. I’m 60 now and I can remember my feelings from the age of 12 onward. There has always been some “major” episodes of depression, especially during or following any type of crisis. But, for the most part, my inner self has never been as sunny or bright as I have always presented to the world.  I have struggled with my negative self forever, and when I grew too tired of pretending to be “up” I stopped and isolated myself from the world at large.

This form of depression is referred to as mild, chronic depression, dysthymia. It does not receive a lot of attention, nor is it ever treated as a serious illness. Over my life span I have taken many, many types of antidepressants, which were always big in side effects and small on helpfulness.

The thing is, this type of depression colours your every waking moment your entire life. Everything is tinged grey, even the most joyful moments in your life are just a little flat, which you never give voice to because you will be met with comments about how “ungrateful” you are, how you only ‘focus on the negatives”, how “selfish” you act, etc. Etc. Yada yada yada. People come to believe you lack empathy, when in fact your empathy is overpowering, taking other people’s pain on as if it were your own.

Ridiculous way to live….if you believe pop culture and societies norms.

Yet, there are thousands and thousands of people who live this way, fighting the good fight, giving up hundreds of times and then starting over again, all just to feel just a bit more normal.

I have come to believe that this type of depression is the most important one, the one all those experts should be focusing on. Currently, the only types of depression that get noticed and treated are the types that pose an immediate danger to self or others. Yet, think of the incredible world it would be if there were a cure for this mild depression…thereby enabling all those “grey” people to reach their true potential. As it stands now, all their energy is spent appearing normal, leaving nothing to motivate advancement.

That is my Tuesday Tamtrum😔

 

 

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