Fibro: Grief

9 years ago both my parents died. Dad first, then Mom. At Mom’s funeral I went over the edge.

I cried uncontrollably, was shocked by the pain I felt for losing parents I was so alienated from. I didn’t know what to do.

Instead of joining my siblings and cousins in the traditional “after-funeral party”, I left. Maybe I should have stayed….for support?

That was the beginning of the end for me. I went into a depression so deep I could no longer function (and remained ignorant of the cause). I went for medication, diagnosis and counselling. Not once did I mention how I felt about the death of my parents! Why? Because denial was strong enough to bury that truth, and it was buried deep!

So, here I am, 9 years later, just realizing on the 9th anniversary of my parents death what my problem has been. Talk about being out of touch! Sheesh! The trigger to my realization of what is going on was another posting by one of my siblings about how she missed Mom every day….this is from the person with the absolute worst relationship with my crazy-assed mother….and it pissed me off to no end, year after year of her saying how awful it was to miss her mother….they didn’t get along AT ALL! So hateful to each other, mean and nasty together. So I have bounced from denial, anger and depression ALL THIS TIME!

What the hell is wrong with me….to be SO OUT OF TOUCH with my own emotions? 


One response

  1. I’m sorry for your losses! My best friend lost someone close to her and went through a really difficult time. One of the things I learned from listening to her over the years was that their wasn’t really any ‘closure’ and it never really went away. She said it was like waking up in a different world and just gradually learning to live there, even if you want to go back. I think there’s no right way to ‘process’ grief; it’s so individual and never easy.

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